One Lovely Blog Award

Wow! In that past few weeks I was given the One Lovely Blog Award by four of the sweetest bloggers – Carlia at Nest Building 101, Infertile625 at Hidden Infertility, Jen at The Chronicles of Violetta Margarita, and Joy at Gonna Do It For Baby. I can't tell you how much joy it brings me to know that bloggers out there consider my blog to be award worthy. I started this as a place to vent about infertility and in the process have grown to have such beautiful 'virtual' friendships with so many women. You have picked me up in my worst times and kept reading along in the good times. I have no idea what I would do without you ladies. I read your stories daily and wish that there was a way I could stop by for a hug or meet you for a cup of tea. There is no one in my daily life who I relate to quite like you. And I thank you for your friendship from the bottom of my heart.

The Rules:
1. Share who gave you the award with a link back to their blog.
2. Write down seven random facts about yourself.
3. Give this award to other bloggers.
4. Let them know they've won.
5. Put the award on your blog.

Seven random facts about me:
1. I cry when I read about one of my blog friends who gets a BFN. I also cry when I read about one of them getting a BFP. Two different emotions, but with the same outcome.
2. I am obsessed with pickles, and not just because I am pregnant. I have loved them since I was a child and have been eating about one a day for as long as I can remember.
3. My family is from Georgia and we call all soda Coke. In fact, we call soda machines Coke machines. If my family is thirsty, that is what we reach for. If we are shopping together, we get a round of Cokes. That has been one of the most difficult things for me to give up. Although, my hubby treats me to one glass bottle Coke a night. It is smaller than a can of Coke and only has 25mg of caffeine. Considering the 200mg a day limit, 25mg a day is hardly any. And there is nothing I look forward to more at the end of the night.
4. I get a pedicure every other week. I just love getting my feet rubbed. My hubby doesn't like feet. Despite the fact that mine are pretty (or so my pedicurist tells me).
5. I read in my bubble baths, which I take about 5 times a week. I love to read and devour at least a book a week. One of these days I am going to compose a blog entry about my favorite authors. If you ever need a recommendation, let me know.
6. I have long blonde hair that is currently reaching down to my butt. In the summer, I plan on donating it to locks of love. My great aunt who went through chemo and was in remission, is currently battling cancer again. Her prognosis does not look good and she has always told my grandmother (her sister) that she wishes someone in our family would donate. So I am excited to be that person.
7. I love my job. I am a graphic designer and it rocks that I get to go to a place 5 times a week that is a creative outlet. My grandmother always told me to find something you love to do and then find a way to get paid for it. Best advice ever!

And this award goes to:
1. Liz at Compromised Fertility
2. LisaB at The Pursuit of Pregnancy
3. Ted and Maria at From IF to When
4. Laura at The Adventures of an Infertile Myrtle
5. Jen at When Life Hands You Lemons

Mi Valentina - 12 Weeks

Mi Valentina,

Today I am 12 weeks (and two days) pregnant with you. I am so sorry my sweet for not writing to you the past two weeks, but you gave your momma quite a scare. About two weeks ago I went to the ER with bleeding and they did a scan to make sure you were okay. Of course, you were just perfect in there. But, the doctor was worried about keeping you safe and put me on bed rest for a week.

Our follow up appointment with our OB was last week at 11 weeks. Again you were measuring perfectly on track and your heart was beating at 164bpm. I can't even begin to tell you how magical it is to hear your heart beat. To your daddy and I's surprise, after doing an internal ultrasound the nurse decided to do a belly ultrasound. She was able to do the nuchal translucency screening and confirmed that everything was perfect.

After the scans, our OB examined me and ordered that I go on bed rest for another two days. She was worried about the tiny bit of spotting and cramping. Since then everything has seemed to be going well. Your daddy received a call yesterday to let us know that the blood test for cystic fibrosis came back and we don't carry that gene. One less thing we have to worry about.

This week you are about the size of a plum. And just today your momma officially is looking pregnant. I just love rubbing my tiny little bump and talking to you. I wish I didn't have to work so that I could talk to you all day. You are only 2 inches and already bring so much joy to your daddy and I.

We get to see you again on Monday. I know the weekend is going to crawl by, since I am so anxious to know how you are doing in there. I am going to do some shopping this weekend and look for furniture for your room. I can't wait to find out if you are a boy or a girl so that I can start decorating.

I have to say that it is a joy being pregnant with you. Although, I have had frequent nausea I only got sick one time. And now that is completely gone. It has been replaced by frequent headaches. But, that is nothing a little junior tylenol can't cure. As has always been the case, you are keeping me quite hungry. Your daddy laughs at my appetite because I have always eaten such tiny meals. Being that your daddy is a chef, he keeps me well fed. He can't wait till you are old enough to help him cook in the kitchen. He's so excited to have two sous chefs instead of just one.

Well, my dear, I am off to take a nap. I can't wait to see you Monday!

Super Quick Update

Last Monday, April 9th I was at home laying down, waiting for dinner when I started getting some really strange stomach pains. I thought they might have been gas pains, but when I went to the bathroom and wiped I saw blood ... bright red blood. I looked in the toilet and it was all red. I was petrified. I went to the ER and after blood work and an ultrasound the baby was fine. The heart beat was 154 and she/he was measuring exactly 9 weeks and 5 days. Thank god. I have been on bed rest since that happened and so far no more spotting. I stopped estradiol on Saturday and tonight is my last Crinone application. My next ultrasound is Monday, April 30th when I will be 12 weeks and 5 days pregnant. That is two weeks away, that means two weeks of worrying if the baby is okay and if stopping the progesterone and estrogen has some how effected the growth of the baby. I think I will probably call my OB before then and beg for an ultrasound earlier than that. I just don't think I can make it that long. Especially since worrying isn't good for the baby. Praying that God continues to bless us and bring home our healthy baby in our arms come November.

Mi Valentina - 9 Weeks

Mi Valentina,

Today I am 9 weeks (and 2 days) pregnant with you my darling. I got to see you on Wednesday and you surprised mommy with how much you have grown. You measured perfectly on track at 9 weeks and your heart rate was a beautiful 168 bpm. As I was watching you on the screen you did an amazing thing, you started to wiggle. I think you may be a dancer like your mom. Your daddy couldn't come to this appointment, but when I called and told him (in tears might I add) that you started to wiggle wiggle. He said "well that is because he is sexy and he is knows it." Your dad always knows how to make me smile. Before I said goodbye on the ultrasound screen, you started to wave your little arm/hand. Like you were saying 'goodbye mom, see you next week.' Next week can not come fast enough.

As I told you last week, we shared the news of your arrival with your Aunt and Uncle. They were so excited to have another baby joining the family. They are mommy and daddy to two of your cousins - Dominik (who will be 3 in January) and Adriana (who will be 1 in August). You will have so much fun playing with those two!

We also shared the news with a small, very close group of my girlfriends - all of whom you will call Aunt. I went out with them to celebrate one of the girl's birthdays and there was no way I could hide not joining in on the free drinks. There reaction was priceless - they can't wait to meet you either. I was able to dance for a couple of hours, which I haven't done since before I found out about you. I had so much fun and I think you must like mommy to dance too because it was the only time that day that I didn't feel sick. While I was out on the dance floor the song your daddy referenced earlier - Sexy and I Know It - started to play. I couldn't help but smile and think of you wiggling away in there.

This weekend we are going on the boat again. Our doctor has allowed me to go back in the water and I am so looking forward to swimming. It is suppose to be great exercise for the both of us and I just love the water. In fact, I learned to swim before I ever learned how to walk. I guess being a native Floridian will do that. Speaking of that, you will be a native Floridian as well. That is something special, as you will come to find out hardly any one who lives here is from here.

I also plan to do some shopping. This is one of your mommy's favorite pass times. And it is so much more fun now that I get to look at things for you and plan all the things I am going to buy for you. I did buy us both one gift a few nights ago. As I said, I love the water and the doctor said I can bath again. But, I can't be in water too hot because although I can sweat, you can not. The bath water temperature has to stay at about 100 degrees. So I bought us a little rubber ducky that tells me when the water is too hot - anything above 101 degrees. One day we will get to use this for your bath time. It always makes me smile seeing it float around the tub because it reminds me that you were be here in 7 months.

Your birthday will be around November 7 - right in between Halloween and Thanksgiving. What a wonderful time of year for a birthday! That day can not come fast enough my dear. I love you with all my heart. I can't wait till our visit next week.

Love,
Mommy

My BFF is Infertile

I will always believe that God brings people into your life for a reason.

I met my best friend - Amie - when I was in 6th grade at the age of 11. We both went to our Home Economics class and found that there was no teacher and no other students. A teacher who passed us in the hallway looked at our schedule and informed us that we were to go to lunch first and then Home Ec. From that moment on we were inseparable. It turns out that we were both being raised by our grandparents, lived within three blocks of each other and had everything in common (more than we would ever even know at this young age). 

In 7th Grade we both tried out for an Art School and were accepted. The crazy thing is we only found out when we saw each other in class that first day of school. We finished Middle School together. When High School came up, we both had different career aspirations and went on to two different schools. That didn't keep us apart. 

We saw each other nearly every day. We double dated, got in trouble together, got our drivers license together, got in our first car accident together, visited colleges together and in general drove our parents insane as teenagers do. We talked about anything and everything - what our weddings would be like, our dream houses and how many kids we would have. She wanted kids for as long as I could remember. I would always say that I didn't want any. I had raised my sisters before I moved in with my grandparents and I felt that I had been there, done that.

Sometime around our junior year of High School Amie still hadn't gotten her period. I envied her so much. I had the most horrible, awful, no good periods. Why did I have to get mine so early - at 12?! Even though we were young, I told her that she should probably go to the doctor and make sure everything was okay. When she was 17, she finally went. It turns out that she was born without a uterus. A condition only 1 in 5 million women are born with. The doctor told her that she would never have biological children of her own. How could it be that the girl who wanted kids more than anything could have this problem. I cried with her and told her that she was special, even more special then we realized. I promised her that one day when the time came, she could use my uterus to make those children that she so desperately wanted.

Fast forward to today. I have been through a miscarriage at 11 weeks and two ectopic pregnancies. Amie has been there, holding my hand in the hospital through all of it. She provides so much strength to me, I can't even put into words what she means to me. She is not my biological sister, but she is my sister. And she will be an Aunt to my child.

Throughout this pregnancy she has made me promise to keep her updated and send her every ultrasound picture, which I have done. Even though I know it hurts her at times to look at them, she has never once said anything to that effect. She is only excited and continues to cheer me on. At times I have been scared. Scared that something bad will happen to the baby, that I will have a miscarriage like I had before. And I have told her these feelings before, after all we share everything. Her response was that even if something bad happens, I should feel blessed that I had my baby this long and that I had an opportunity to experience this. She really does put things in perspective. I never feel that depressed about the things I have endured because she is right, at least I can try.

Another thing we have in common is that no matter what we never give up on something we want. I knew IVF wouldn't be easy, nor cheap. So I looked into ways that I could make it happen. As you know, I found a clinical trial at a Fertility Clinic in New York that would cover most of the cost associated with IVF. Little did I know she was doing research of her own. The same Fertility Clinic was also doing uterine transplants in combination with IVF. She went up for her initial interview and because of her young age, she is a top candidate. They have already performed successful uterine transplants and a few have even went on to have children. It turns out that she does have ovaries, with eggs. One hurdle jumped successfully. Yay! She was told a few weeks ago that they are putting off the next transplant until the beginning of next year. She called me devastated and said that she feels like her life is in pause. I told her that means I will have time to recover from having my baby and be able to go up there with her and hold her hand through the whole thing.

Of course, this transplant doesn't come without risks. Many things could happen. Her body could reject the uterus and she could even die. The song that keeps coming to mind is Kellie Coffey - I Would Die for That. She told me those exact words just the other day, that she would die just for the opportunity.

She is my shoulder to cry on, my strength when I have none, my cheerleader, my biggest fan, my sister – my best friend. I couldn't live without her and I pray that God blesses her with a child one way or another because she would make the most amazing mother.

Mi Valentina – 8 weeks

I am taking a page out of my blog buddy's - The Chronicles of Violetta Margarita - book and writing about my baby as a weekly letter to her/him. Eventually I will compile all of these and make a journal, which I will one day give to my baby. The title will always be the same, in case you want to read along or in case you don't. I remember how hard it was to read these updates before I was pregnant. Some days you just can't bear to do it. I hope all of you struggling to bring home your baby are blessed very soon - I continue to pray for you everyday. Without further ado...


Mi Valentina,

Today I am 8 weeks (and 1 day) pregnant with you sweetheart. You are measuring on track at 1.65 cm, or .65 inches, and roughly the size of a raspberry. Your heart rate is a perfect 161 bpm. I never thought I could feel a love this deep before. You light up my life even though I just met you a few short months ago as a teeny tiny embryo. It was 6 days after Valentine's Day. Which is why I will always call you mi valentina. I was suppose to first meet you on Valentine's Day, but my body wasn't quite ready then. You will come to find out that your mommy is late for everything. Funny enough, I wasn't late for our first date together. I couldn't wait. One day I will tell you all about that magical day.

I went to the doctor to see you yesterday. Your dad and I cry every time we see you on that screen. He thinks you look rather manly. I disagree and say you look dainty. Only time will tell who is right, which we learned yesterday will be June 7.

Even though I am only telling you about our visits now, I have actually seen you every week for the past three weeks and it never seems like enough time. Fortunately, our doctor will let me come in every other week to check on you. This is a huge relief to your mommy, who worries all the time.

The past couple of weeks you have made your momma a very sick woman. In fact, I feel sick all day long not just in the morning. The only thing that helps is eating every 1-2 hours. You must have quite the appetite, like your daddy. Speaking of food, I am craving some rather strange things ... like lemons and pickles. And often times I like them one after the other. Things I don't want to eat are chocolate, ranch dressing and pork. I usually like these things, but right now the smell and taste make my stomach turn. Your daddy is so sweet, he makes me dinner every night and allows me to take a nap. All that growing you are doing is wearing me out.

Other than that I have only had a few other symptoms/reminders that you are in there - my growing boobs which will one day (hopefully) feed you, an occasional headache, and a lot of running to the bathroom to pee. Nothing is really that hard to handle though, because it reminds me that you are in there growing and growing.

We have a big weekend planned. We plan on telling your Uncle & Aunt about you. Only our very immediate family knows about you. I kind of like that you are just our little secret for now. In a month or so we will start to tell the rest of our friends.

We also have plans to go out on the boat with your grandmother and grandfather - on your daddy's side. I can't wait till you get to meet them. They are two of the most beautiful, caring people I have ever met. Your daddy inherited those traits as well and I so hope you do too.

I get to see you again next week on April 5th. It will be my last visit for the RE - the doctor who made you possible. From then on we will go to an OB, who we have already seen a couple of times. She is monitoring you very closely. Like mommy, she wants to make sure you are okay. Yesterday she talked to you, even though you can't quite hear her yet. She said you will know your Aunt Karrie's voice when you arrive because she will talk to you so often. I love her so much and I am sure you will too.

Until next week my love...

Relieved

My little love bug is doing just fine. The circle at the top is the yolk sac. Her/his head is to the bottom left of that. The heartbeat was 131 bpm. I measured 7 weeks yesterday at exactly 7 weeks. Her/his size was .868 cm, which is about .34 inches. The average size is between 1/4 inch and 1/2 inch.

I was told that the brown spotting was the Crinone irritating my cervix a little bit and the cramping I am feeling is just growing pains. Neither thing should I be concerned about.

My next appointment is Wednesday, March 29. I will be 8 weeks. Can't wait to see you again my darling baby.